Reflections on a Struggle, running the Great Scottish Run 2024. This is a slog. A hard, painful, boring, slog. At times, it feels endless. Places feel endless. Will Paisley Road West never end? I see it before me, stretched out, as straight as a rule, until it disappears into the horizon. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why do we keep on going, minute after minute, step after step, mile after mile. My whole body, my whole being, is telling me, warning me, that this isn't

The thing that's happening, the current process, is that the deep pool of guilt - my guilt, and my parent's guilt (combined) that's built up inside of me over many, many years, has never been released - it's never been allowed to come to the surface and to be expressed for what it is. So what happens over time? That toxic soup of guilt turns into something else, it turns into anger. And it turns into hate. And it turns into rage. It becomes more toxic. It gets thicker, and st

You just made me so upset. No. Not upset, that’s the wrong word. I sit in the pool and introspect, actually what I am feeling? Upset is passive, quiet, small. This doesn’t feel like that at all actually. What does this feel like? How does my body feel? I am shaking. I am energized. This isn’t upset. This is anger. This is rage. You didn’t make me (passive) upset. You gave me the unwanted gift of this rage. You’ve placed within my hands the radioactive, pulsing heat of rage. Y