From Healing the Child Within (audiobook) Chapter 7, from 8 minutes in Codependence - the neurosis of our time Co-dependence is a disease of lost self-hood in a viscous cycle, it's a condition that stifles our true self - our child within. We can begin to define co-dependance as any suffering and/or dysfunction that is associated with, or results from, focusing on the needs and behaviour of others. Co-dependents become so focused upon or preoccupied with important people in t

After Brene Brown, from her RSA talk 'The Power of Vulnerability' - see links at bottom of page There's a huge, yet subtle difference between sympathy and empathy. I want your empathy. I don't want your sympathy. Sympathy, or, to give it its real, dirtier name, pity, is an unwanted gift. A gift that you give me, that I didn't ask for, and one I don't want. But it's worse than that just a superfluous, unwanted present. Your pity is not benign. Rather, it's a malignant force in

I feel as if I'm unravelling My thread of life, falling away from that thick, warm, safe, soft ball of wool. All I thought I knew and was certain of, all that I built my foundations upon, falling off my lap, onto the floor, rolling away from me. The life I thought I knew the life I had the life I was living is all there, contained within that bundle of wool. The routines, the early morning calls, the responsibilities and the self assurances of the man I thought I was Coming a

I don't want to kill myself but I don't wanna be here either. I don't want to carry on living like this because this isn't living this isn't a life It's the opposite, a living death I am numb Just waiting I'm just waiting for something to change Just waiting to feel something I feel trapped I feel trapped in my life I want to not exist I want to not be in existence anymore But I don't want to hurt the people around me I don't want to hurt the people that I love and the people

Right now, I feel very sad, I feel very down I feel hopeless I've been trying to do the right things Writing in my little book I've been trying to get up I've been exercising I've not been out in the sun as much as I should be, I know that But when I do it's just depressing, and dirty, and ugly And I don't get any joy from going out there This joy that I'm waiting for is not immediate - I have to put in the work now in the hope, faith, belief that it will pay off at some unk

In The Matrix, Morpheus gives Neo/Mr Anderson a choice of 2 pills - a red pill and a blue pill. One of these pills will allow Neo/Mr Anderson to forget everything he's learnt, and return back to his normal life -i.e. to continue living as Mr Anderson, the person he believes he has always been. The other pill allows him to remain in the Matrix as Neo - and learn all of the truths - the full truth - no matter how horrible it is. I've found myself often thinking of this scenario

Transcription from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A02Ucd6monY One of the most surprising but powerful explanations for why we may, as adults, be in trouble mentally, is that we were in our earliest years, denied the opportunity to be fully ourselves, that is, we were not allowed to be willful and difficult. We could not be as demanding, aggressive, intolerant and unrestrictedly selfish as we needed to be. Because our caregivers were preoccupied or fragile, we had to be pre

The thing that's happening, the current process, is that the deep pool of guilt - my guilt, and my parent's guilt (combined) that's built up inside of me over many, many years, has never been released - it's never been allowed to come to the surface and to be expressed for what it is. So what happens over time? That toxic soup of guilt turns into something else, it turns into anger. And it turns into hate. And it turns into rage. It becomes more toxic. It gets thicker, and st

You just made me so upset. No. Not upset, that’s the wrong word. I sit in the pool and introspect, actually what I am feeling? Upset is passive, quiet, small. This doesn’t feel like that at all actually. What does this feel like? How does my body feel? I am shaking. I am energized. This isn’t upset. This is anger. This is rage. You didn’t make me (passive) upset. You gave me the unwanted gift of this rage. You’ve placed within my hands the radioactive, pulsing heat of rage. Y

Lead with Vulnerability A line from the amazing Brene Brown. For what feels like the first time in my life (at least, for as long as I can recall) I am feeling incredibly vulnerable. For someone who 'always' thought of themselves as a confident, outgoing person, this feeling of vulnerability is alien - unknown, unexplored, scary. I am experimenting with leading with vulnerability by normalising expressing my problems - replying 'no' when asked if I'm okay, leaving the house u

First section is the original 'Bad Thing' written on 3rd December 2023 I need to learn that I can do the bad thing, and 'get away with it'. I can do the bad thing, and I won't be hated, or disliked, or punished for it. Or that if I am hated, or disliked, or punished for it, that's ok. That's survivable. It won't destroy me. I've always done the good things, because that means they will love me, they won't reject me. But it wasn't me they loved - not really. It was the other m

At times I think this isn't working - the therapy, the time off work, the talking, the endless talking, the endless sleeping What if I'll never be better? What if my life will cascade downwards until the end? What if I die having lived a life full of regrets? What if I fail to achieve the incredible things I know I am capable of? Living an ordinary life is NOT ENOUGH They never listened to this - they said it was fine They said I was too sensitive They said I was a dreamer Th

The process of dissecting / splitting / breaking down the false self is full of risks. In fact, it can be fatal. One outcome of beginning to break down the false self is - what is left behind? Who, actually, am I? I've lived within this false self for so, so long, so many years. I've worn this costume for so long, I can't remember, I don't know, who the real me is. Self-alienation - Being an alien (unknown) to oneself A consequence of dismantling my false self, of realising t

Splitting my-self in two - was always going to hurt Visual examples of Splitting

Full of doubts, I ask myself how do I know any of this is working? The therapy, the pain and shame of being signed off sick at work, the yelling and screaming at my husband, the awkwardness, the pain -what's it all for? SO, I made myself a list of 'evidence' - things to look out for, and be aware of, that I begin to do, either intentionally or unintentionally, that 'prove' that it is. Update, additions to the list added on 22nd January 2024; I don't get so angry at perceived

What if we made negative to-do lists? Ones that focus on the things we need to do badly? To break the bonds of being the good boy, the hard working boy, the receptive, helpful, trustworthy boy, I made an honest to-do list. A list of things I find it difficult (or even, impossible) to do. What if I did the bare minimum on a piece of work? What if I pledged to do something and then failed to follow it through? (disappointment) What if I said something to my parents that I thoug

There's at least 2 of me. We talk about there being 2 sides to a person, 2 sides to every story. But this goes much deeper than merely sides. There are 2 quite distinct, quite different people living within this frame. There's the one you may know. He's the confident, funny, outgoing one. He can be pretty opinionated, rather loud, and is never short of a word to say. He's the one who confidently leads a team of 4 people at his work - one of them much his senior. The one who t