I don't want to kill myself but I don't wanna be here either. I don't want to carry on living like this because this isn't living this isn't a life It's the opposite, a living death I am numb Just waiting I'm just waiting for something to change Just waiting to feel something I feel trapped I feel trapped in my life I want to not exist I want to not be in existence anymore But I don't want to hurt the people around me I don't want to hurt the people that I love and the people

The thing that's happening, the current process, is that the deep pool of guilt - my guilt, and my parent's guilt (combined) that's built up inside of me over many, many years, has never been released - it's never been allowed to come to the surface and to be expressed for what it is. So what happens over time? That toxic soup of guilt turns into something else, it turns into anger. And it turns into hate. And it turns into rage. It becomes more toxic. It gets thicker, and st

All excerpts taken from the audio version of The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller, which can be found on YouTube This excerpt begins at approximately 2:31:24; In an effecting and angry letter from Steten (Hermann) Hesse wrote to his parents; If I were a bigot and not a human being, I could perhaps hope for your understanding. All the same, his release from the home was on the condition of his 'improvement', so, the boy improved. In a later poem dedicated to his parents